


A Work in Progress

by alizrak



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, C2E124 Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hope, M/M, Post C2E124, Regret, Time - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alizrak/pseuds/alizrak
Summary: After the Mighty Nein gather their allies, they return to the outpost to meet up with Essek. Caleb and Essek must go over their spells to prepare for the journey into the ruins... but things are never that simple...
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 8
Kudos: 173





	A Work in Progress

After the Mighty Nein gather their allies, they return to the outpost to meet up with Essek.

That night, as everyone gets ready to enter the ruins in the morning, Caleb approaches Essek as he is giving his final instructions to some of the guards and officers of the outpost. They know the Shadowhand will go with the Nein into the ruins to stop what they claim is a threat to the Dynasty... but other than that, information is sparse. He must be very careful with what he says... but once he's done they move to their duties.

"Essek, a moment, if you will?"

Essek hesitates for a second before turning to face him. Every time Caleb talks to him, the lump on his throat tightens. "Of course, what do you need?" He forces himself to look at him with a small smile. 

"I have talked with the others and... It would be best if we can a share spell or two, perhaps? Or at least to know what options you have for battle. It is important we coordinate."

"Yes, that's a... good idea. You are the one who has experience with this Lucien and his companions. If not him, you can tell me what's best to stop the rest." 

_"Ja_ , there are a few things I might be able to do around his abilities, but-" Caleb shakes his head. "A quiet place to review the spells should suffice."

Essek slowly nods. He is tense, stiff... the idea of being alone with him puts him on edge but Caleb is right. They must plan and this might just save their lives in the upcoming battles. Still...

"I apologize... with the outpost in full alert in case these Tombtakers arrive, the most quiet place to do this is... my personal quarters..." he looks away, giving Caleb a chance to reconsider his request. He notices then that the other Mighty Nein are giving them furtive glances... except for Beau, who gives Caleb “ _The Look”_ , but no one says anything else. 

"That should do, thank you," he motions him to lead the way even though he knows where they are heading. Caleb gives the others a slight nod letting them know he will be busy and go ahead to rest without him. 

As they advance, Essek convinces himself Caleb doesn’t mean anything more than what he said exactly, and, at first, he’s right. They place their books side by side, going over them diligently, comparing their spells and trying to come up with scenarios and strategies both in open spaces and inside the ruins. Keeping their distance from Lucien is a must. A ranged weapon might be necessary for each caster in case they end up inside the antimagic cone. Essek listens attentively about Caleb's theories that the other eye tattoos could work as a beholder's. They formulate questions, theories, trying to come up with countermeasures. It's the first time in ages that Essek feels relaxed even though with each new question they predict their foe to be too powerful to even risk face again. He smiles despite of that. He is helping them, helping Caleb... he is resolute now about what he must do. If he can give them a chance, an edge to defeat him, so be it. They spend the first hour like that… until Essek turns the pages of Caleb’s book and freezes reading the next spell. The transmorgification spell. Their work together, before the loss of trust. They both stare at it in silence. Essek can’t help but reach out at the page, his fingers caressing the letters, the formulae, the runes and calculations... It is a thing of beauty.

“This is perhaps the best thing I ever had the honor to create...” he whispers reminiscing, remembering their faces, the hugs, the words of affection and trust. He destroyed it all. “I wish... I wish I could be a part of that again...” he trails off, knowing it’s a fool’s hope. He knows his end is near, whether by this Nonagon, The City, the Assembly or the Dynasty itself. Essek accepts it... It’s what he deserves.

He closes his eyes with a smile. “It is comforting to know that whatever time I have left will be to help you. To _choose to do something and leave it better than it was before..._ ” he echoes the words that undid him all those weeks ago.

The unthinkable happens.

Essek is startled as Caleb slowly places his hand over his own on the page.

Essek looks at him in disbelief, afraid... hopeful. He holds his breath.

“This...” Caleb holds his gaze, eyes that see through him, eyes that have found a place in his soul. “This is a work in progress...” Caleb says, softly. There’s still sadness and hurt in the way he says it, but also understanding and acceptance. “One I also wish to continue.”

Essek’s lips slightly open but words fail him. He can only entwine his fingers with Caleb’s over the page. 

It frustrates him so much the trembling on his breathing... he has been holding back the pressure that kept growing, choking, consuming him since they parted. He hates the wetness forming at the corner of his eyes at the mere suggestion of forgiveness. A chance to rebuild. 

Caleb seems concerned and gently reaches up with his free hand to gingerly caress his cheek, drying the tear from his face. Essek leans into his touch. What in the Light has happened to the Shadowhand? How is it possible that the tables have turned so? Why is he at the mercy of every word and touch of Caleb Widogast? That he would be willing to meet an early end for them… but specially for _him_... 

Essek’s chest aches as it is filled with a warm feeling, the desire to let him know how much he means to him. He wants to say ‘you have changed me’, but what comes out of his lips is-

_“I love you.”_

They are both taken back. Every muscle on Essek’s body tense in panic. _Too soon. He has done it now._ He must turn back time, undo this mistake... or simply accept the rejection that is a heartbeat away. He does not deserve his forgiveness let alone his love anyway. How could he? After what he did to them? To the world? Caleb’s eyes pierce through him, as if they were reading his very soul. Essek cannot face him and looks away in shame and despair. He feels like he’s breaking, ripped apart, he can’t breathe. He feels the warm hand again gently turning his face back to him, just like that fated day. 

Instead of kissing his forehead, Caleb places a tender kiss on his lips. Slow, soft, warm. Essek returns it, holding himself back, trying not to seem too eager, too needy... so starved. Caleb obliges.

Caleb doesn’t say it, not yet. Essek knows he is not ready to say it... but he is willing to try and his actions speak louder than words. The energy and motion between them grows. They are pulling into each other, their hands working off the layers of clothes... 

_“Nein,”_ Caleb suddenly remembers something and stands back, away from him with a frown on his face.

The drow freezes, hands still in the air where his body used to be. What just happened? What did he do this time?

“I’m sorry,” Essek doesn’t know what he did but whatever it is he IS sorry. “I didn’t-”

Caleb is holding his own shoulder, an apprehensive expression on his face. 

“Ah...No... it is not your fault,” he shakes his head and there’s a flash of resignation in his eyes. “We-... I have not been completely forthcoming with you.”

Essek nods. That he knew. He didn’t mind. He expected it. This reaction though, it makes him raise an eyebrow. He doesn't demand or asks for an explanation. If he wishes to stay quiet then he understands. But Caleb knows that if this is to continue, he must tell him. Show him. Caleb takes a deep breath and this time he’s the one avoiding to look at Essek.

“I miscalculated the risks...” he starts. “I do not believe it was a mistake... but I gambled and lost,” there’s a pause and his eyes return up to him. “If you change your mind about... _this_... I will understand.”

Essek furrows his brow but stays silent, listening, watching as Caleb methodically removes his coat, his scarf, the book holsters and his shirt, revealing his naked torso and... 

There it is. 

Essek stands up from the chair in a heartbeat, but instead of stepping away from Caleb and the eye tattoo on his shoulder... away from what this might imply, he comes closer to him.

“No,” he whispers, damning the Light, the Gods, himself for letting this happen to Caleb. He reaches out but stops himself before touching. “May I?”

Caleb considers for a second and nods. “Lucien carried a book with him, the link to understand the Somnovem. He claimed he had not managed to decipher some part of it so he... _jah_ , we fell for it,” he explains as Essek runs a thumb over it feeling the unsettling texture. “It cannot be removed by mundane or any magic methods at our disposal and when I tried to identify it, the Somnovem glimpsed back. So, please, don't do that. I don't want you to risk yourself further than this.”

“What Jester mentioned... the voices?”

Caleb nods. “The book pulled at our consciousness briefly at our first and only read. That night Beauregard and I had the same dream... of the voices of The City welcoming us,” he says and meets Essek’s anxious eyes. He couldn’t protect him. He failed him again even without trying. Why does this keep happening? “I don’t think... I don’t think Lucien knows about this yet. It hasn’t shown any powers or changes so...”

Caleb has a good bluff, he is showing his best calm face. But now, Essek realizes the reason for the tension behind his eyes. The source of their guarded demeanor around him. They feared this dark knowledge would tempt him as much or more than it did with them. He would laugh if he could. What use is such knowledge if it would only damn the people he loved. He shakes his head and slowly embraces Caleb, as if trying to protect him from this unseen force. Caleb holds him back in silence.

Maybe they were indeed both damned. Maybe they just needed more time. But they only have the now... this moment... and so, they make the most of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I read "Essek, Alone" and "unsure, distrustful and eternally remorseful" the same day and I just had to take this small scene off my mind.


End file.
